If you follow me on social media, you will know that my beautiful boyfriend has taken off to Italy without me.
He has gone on the trip of a lifetime while I sit at home watching his Instagram stories on repeat.
I’ve seen him party in Padua, ride gondolas in Venice and ski in Montova, and I shit you not, I have never had so much travel envy in my life.
I’d love to be angry at him for leaving without me but it’s my own fault for opting out of the family holiday.
I have been to Italy before, I hate the cold and when he booked the flights I had just bought a house and wasn’t emotionally prepared to dump two grand on airfares.
THE SAD TRUTH:
If I’m honest with myself, part of the reason I didn’t go was because I wanted to see what my life would look like without him for a few weeks.
We are currently at the two and a half year mark in our relationship and as far as I’m concerned, we either get married or we break up.
I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t think we had an incredible future ahead of us but the fact that this could be the last relationship I ever have scares the living shit out of me.
Because we are both so young.
I was 18 and had just come back from being in Europe for three months when I met him and in what feels like the blink of an eye, we bought a house together, we opened a joint bank account and we decided to share a mortgage.
Those are things you do in your thirties and we smashed them out before we could legally drink in America.
Falling in love with Shaun was one of the most beautiful and natural things I’ve ever experienced but as someone who had just graduated from high school, it wasn’t something I expected.
Not by a long shot.
I thought I was going to finish my degree, travel the world and meet the love of my life when I was 25 and ready to settle down.
That moment came seven years too early and while I don’t regret it, I am strict about maintaining my independence and doing things for myself.
I was going to hang out with the girls every night, hit the gym after work and eat as clean as Steph Claire Smith.
I was going to have more time to be “myself”; more time to do all the things I did before I met Shaun and to be honest with you, I was kind of looking forward to it.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED:
I regretted staying home the minute I dropped Shaun off to the airport.
I filled my weeks with coffee dates, manicures and rooftop bars but those experiences were fleeting and I came out of them feeling pretty damn shallow.
They were fun on the surface and epic on the socials but they didn’t mean much when I couldn’t tell Shaun about them at the end of the night.
When that boy got on the plane, I wasn’t just losing my boyfriend, I was losing my best friend too.
My idea of fun had changed since I met him and to be honest with you, that was a real shock to the system.
As an independent woman, wild feminist and the least romantic person on the planet this makes me sick, but I need Shaun. I love him and I miss him and the time apart has made me realise how much value he brings to my every day life.
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder and sometimes the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while.
Keep killing it,